The Lucky Fart



There’s this fellow, he has a really strange way of walking. Say he’s walking down the street, and he wants to make a left turn. This is what he does: He stops, he lifts up his left leg, and holds it straight out sideways perpendicular to his body, and then he farts. And that causes him to twirl around to his left; and then he starts walking again, having made his left turn. Similarly speaking, if he’s walking down the street and he wants to make a right turn, he stops, he lifts up his right leg and holds it straight out sideways perpendicular to his body, and then he farts. And that causes him to twirl around to his right; and then he starts walking again, having made his right turn.

But let’s say that he’s walking down the street, and he doesn’t want to make any turns, but he has the urge to fart. Well, then he would have a problem, because if he just kept walking straight down the road and farted, he would go flying into the air. So, to prevent that from happening, this is what he does: He stops, and then he stands on his head; and while he’s standing on his head, he brings his knees to his chest, and points his rear end straight up into the air, and farts. And then he gets back on his feet and starts walking again.


One morning the fellow made the mistake of eating a lot of beans before he went for a walk. Then, as he was trying to execute a turn in his usual manner, he farted too hard and ended up doing a 360-degree twirl, and so he had expended some gas and had gotten no net result from it. This waste of resources irritated him, as he knew that he had to fart all over again to try to execute his turn. He impatiently made his second attempt, but before he could control himself, he bore down and farted so hard that he began to twirl around like an ice skater doing a fast spin on one foot. And then he lifted up into the air like a helicopter, and twirled noisily across the skies.


But actually, the strange walking habit that this fellow exhibited proved to be not so bad after all. On the other side of this fellow’s town lived another fellow, who had a reputation for being very arrogant and conceited. He was a very materialistic, status conscious dude who loved to show off his wealth and privilege to all who would afford him an audience. It was one of his favorite past times to go to the center of town at the busiest hours of the day, and show off his material wealth by taking a one hundred dollar bill out of his pocket, folding it into a paper airplane, and throwing it into the air. The hundred dollar bill airplane would then loop through the air for all to see, and then he would catch it and put it into his pocket, and then pull out another one hundred dollar bill and repeat the process, all along singing a little ditty as loudly as he could. The little ditty which accompanied his “performances” went something like this: “…I am God’s gift to mankind, I am God’s gift to mankind…”

But he tossed one of these Flying CenteBucks into the air just a little too hard, and it flew too high, and got stuck in one of the overhanging branches of a nearby tree. Surprised and shocked, he realized that he would not be able to climb up the tree to get his flying treasure back, so he rushed home as fast as he could to get an axe so as to cut the tree down and retrieve his money. A lot of folks began to try to climb up the tree and get to the valuable toy before he came back, but the tree had a pretty smooth trunk, and the one hundred dollar bill paper airplane was stuck far out of everyone’s reach. It seemed that all mayhem was about to break loose over that green piece of paper, when who should arrive at the scene but that fellow who farts when he walks.

Seeing all the commotion, and how everyone seemed to be trying everything they could to get up the tree, he asked someone to tell him what was going on. “Can’t you see,” replied the person, “there’s a hundred dollar bill paper airplane stuck way up there in that tree!” Well, you talk about being in the right place at the right time – at that very moment, the fellow with the unusual walking habit had the urge to fart! “No problem!” said he, as he walked over to the spot which was directly under the branch which the elusive treasure was caught in. He looked straight up, opened his mouth as wide as he could, and bore down and farted as hard as he could. He shot up like a rocket, and clamped his teeth around the winged money prize, and came back down, treasure firmly clenched in his teeth.

And as he walked off into the distance, you could hear him say- “What a lucky man I am today, a lucky fart has made my day!”


It's FART, but is it ART?

Wanna see a more “sanitized” version of this story, where the word that begins with an “F” is replaced with a word that begins with a “P”? (For those who think that “Fart” is a “bad word”…) Click Here!

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